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Faith

June 13th marked the end of the most difficult year of my life.  It was also the day my baby turned one! I am so grateful to see him thriving in every way despite his traumatic birth.  He is a  much needed daily reminder of God’s faithfulness.

The events of the last year have severely tested my faith.  Honestly, I feel guilty even saying that, but it is the truth.  This year, I saw the miracle of life and the misery of death.  I watched my baby’s life restored and my dad’s life slip away in intense suffering.  The images of my baby’s first days, and of  my dad’s last days haunt me.

Jaison and I have also experienced some profound personal disappointments.  In the midst of those disappointments, there have been blessings.  But we are still struggling and that daily reality overshadows the blessings.  I find myself doubting that God cares for me and the details of my life.

“Why?” is a question that I ask often and have few answers to.  I have to remind myself that “all things work together for good” even though they seem senseless.  One day I will look back on this year and see how God was working and I will be grateful. I know that because that has been my experience in every other seemingly senseless event in my life, but that doesn’t make it easy.

Faith that has not been tested is weak.  Thankfully, my faith has been tested in the past and that has given me the strength to hold on in the present.  I am weathered and weary but I am still standing.

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3 Comments

  1. “Profound Personal Disappointments…”

    Wow. I can relate to that. I’ve had a few of those in the past few years.

    “Though the sorrows will last through the night, joy comes in the morning!”

    Hold on. The brightness of day is coming.

    God Bless You!

    Jon D.

    Reply
  2. Thanks Jon! It’s been a LONG night, but I have hope! I would love to catch up w/ you guys sometime and hear the details of the last few years. Any plans to drive through Omaha?

    🙂 Stacey

    Reply
    • I hope we have an excuse to come through! We might be returning to India in the next few months so I am not sure how mobile we will be in the mean time. 🙂

      And of course, if you are ever in Chicago area make sure to call us!

      🙂

      Jon D.

      Reply

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